welcome to the abyss

Category: rant (Page 1 of 2)

Guy Putting on Cruel World is Anti–LGBTQ

Everybody is losing their minds over this festival. It’s the culmination of all of the 80’s worshipping that has been going on for the last ten plus years in society. The fact that PiL and Morrissey are on the bill has scared some people off of it, but there is a HUGE issue going on behind the scene that is even more heinous. Philip Anschutz, the man putting this show on, has been donating money to anti-LGBTQ causes: Alliance Defending Freedom, the National Christian Foundation, and the Family Research Council.

The Washington Post broke this story about five years ago, and the Daily Beast three years ago also wrote about it. The Daily Beast story is damning and really dives deep into the issue. When confronted Anschutz claimed that he didn’t know about his money funding those groups and that he would end it. He stated that his company was diverse and that he is for equal rights. Then a year or two after that it was found out, through his tax filings, that he had indeed stopped donating to those three anti-LGBTQ groups. However, he was now donating his money to two other equally problemic groups Dare 2 Share Ministries and Young Life, a youth ministry. On top of that he has been donating millions to conservative and libertarian groups, including ones linked to the Koch family.

I am really disappointed that some groups that I love are playing this show. I won’t stop listening to them, but it makes me wonder whether they actually do care about LGBTQ rights or not. The same thing can be said for all of the people planning to go to this. I think it’s highly hypocritical to go to this while also supporting LGBTQ rights, because they are handing a wad of cash to a man who has been proven to not give a shit about LGBTQ folks. I’m going to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this because I know that not everybody has heard about it. However, if they learn about this and still go then I will be questioning who they really are.

Killstar’s Definition Of A Romantic Goth

Where do I even begin with this? I am on their mailing list and today they sent me an email that contained the above photo along with a link to an article on their site that describes what a ‘Romantic Goth’ is all about. Get ready to be schooled by Killstar!

Do I long for extravagant clothing? Sure! Personally I have always wanted to be dressed in corsets and black velvet and lace while wandering the halls of a spooky castle holding a candelabra that lights my way. All the while suffering from consumption, my deathly coughs echoing through the empty chambers, my bloody spittle blending into by black clothes. Since it was a simpler time there were no antibiotics so I would slowly die. Neat!

Yearn for arts, music and literature from the 1800’s? By golly gee you know I do! Nothing stirs me more than the Pre-Raphaelites, Mozart and Dracula! Wait, I’m not doing this right because Mozart was from the 1700’s. Shit. Oh, but I really love the hell out of Dracula! The Christopher Lee portrayal because he was a better actor and Hammer made the best Gothic type of horror film. I know I’m supposed to say Bela Lugosi but I cannot betray my heart!

So, a Romantic Goth is a classic type of goth fashion? Way back when, through the mists of time, wearing velvet and lace was just considered goth. In the 90’s different ‘types’ of goths were thought up to poke fun at the goth community, it was an inside joke that nobody took seriously. Am I supposed to be taking this seriously, because I have some velvet and lace items! Should I stop shaving part of my head and learn how to make elaborate buns out of my hair? I don’t know what to do! Bauhaus, Type O Negative and The Cure are to blame for the surge of the Romantic Goth style? Oh dear, somebody should tell them because I think some of the musicians in those bands will be very embarrassed. Break the news to them slowly because some of them aren’t in the best of health. Romantic Goths are some of the most commonly betrayed goth types in the media? How tragic!

Velvet and lace are a match made in hell? What’s hell got to do…got to do with it?

You mean I should be wearing baphomet necklaces, belts, and rings? I was wearing all of my lace and velvet clothing the wrong way? I now feel like I haven’t lived up to the required Romantic Goth angst level. All of those Hammer films lied to me! LIED!!! Damn you Christopher Lee and Ingrid Pitt…damn you! *cries dramatically and flings her cross laden jewellery across the room*

My heart is only semi dark, will that do? If I start spelling words with exxxtra x’s will that make my heart grow darker? So, there are more boxes to tick besides the Romantic Goth ones? If they involve the objectification of goth women I want to be all up in that. There is nothing like being a big tiddy goth girlfriend. Nothing.

First you call it Romantic Goth, now you call it new wave romantic fashion. Funny, I spent the last thirty years daring to think that New Wavers, New Romantics and Goths were all slightly different because those music genres weren’t exactly the same. Wait a second, are you trying to tell me that Goth has nothing to do with music and is just a fashion choice? Thank you for schooling me Killstar and for leading me into the light. Wait, am I supposed to say darkness because that would be more spooky and evil, right?

Do you want to learn more about Romantic Goths? You know you do! Click the link and you will be transformed into the Romantic Goth you knew you could always be.

The Killstar Guide On How To Be A Romantic Goth

I Have Destroyed My Sonsombre Records And It Feels Good

Originally I wanted to make bowls out of the two Sonsombre records that I own, but our oven is too small to do it safely. This morning I tried to break them with my hands but the vinyl is too thick to snap. So, I scratched the hell out of both of the records and I tore up the record sleeves and the notes that came with them.

I must say that it felt quite satisfying. Especially scratching up the gold coloured one because there were only 33 ever made. Now there are only 32, or maybe even less than that because I’m sure that I’m not the only one who did this. I waited a week to do this because I didn’t want to get very emotionally upset again . Taking a week to wait meant that I had enough time to cool off.

Why have I done this? It has been proven without a shadow of a doubt that Brandon Pybus, the singer and songwriter of Sonsombre, is a current member of the racist neo-confederate group Sons Of Confederate Veterans. He has been since 2015. He lied to me, and many others, months ago when asked if he belonged to any racist organizations. He said no, when in fact he actually was a member of one.

This is going to be the last mention of the band that I will be making in this blog, unless he does something else incredibly stupid or Cleopatra Records drops the band. To those of you who think that I don’t have the right to be pissed off…..FUCK YOU.

No, It Is Not Edgy To Buy A Premade ‘Punk’ Jacket

The above photo has been making the rounds on the internet for the past few days. Somebody took the photo in a store called Box Lunch in a mall. Said store is owned by Hot Topic, which really shouldn’t come as a surprise since that company has had a reputation for profiting off of subcultures for about 30 years now. The thing that bothers me the most about this is that people are going to buy these atrocities without listening or even knowing about the bands painted upon them.

The first thing you notice about this jacket is that Agent Orange is shorted to Agent Ora and Dr. Know is changed to RX Know. Oh, and they messed up the name of Chaos UK. I don’t know if it was done out of pure laziness or that they didn’t want to be sued by said bands, but they got the names of the other bands correct so I’m guessing that they don’t really care about the whole getting sued thing. Somebody, in some factory in China or elsewhere, was told what to stencil so they probably had no clue that they were real bands. They have been exploited by whomever came up with this crap. Yes, I see the irony of using the word ‘exploited’.

I guarantee that people who buy this thing are going to get shit for wearing it when somebody goes up to them and wants to talk about the bands on it. It’s exciting to see somebody wear the merch of a band that you really like, and more exciting to have a discussion about them. However when these people are innocently asked about what their favourite band is on the jacket their eyes will glaze over in a panic because they didn’t realize that the names were of real punk bands. They bought the jacket because they thought it looked edgy.

I am all for people buying whatever they want to wear, and I’m realistic about the fact that not everybody can easily DIY clothing. I have multiple sclerosis and quite frequently I don’t have the energy to sew or paint. However, I feel that jackets are the one thing that should be personalized by the person who wears it. It’s a tradition that has been around since the early days of punk in the 1970’s, and something that means a lot to people in the punk, metal and goth subcultures. It shows other people in the subcultures what bands, films, or other things that you are heavily into. It even becomes a focal point of interest that will sometimes turn into a conversation with another person that is into similar things. Yes, sometimes ‘gatekeepers’ will be creeps and try to test you on your knowledge to make themselves feel superior. I’ve had it happen to me and it sucks. Not everybody is a creep though, and friendships can be started over a love of the same bands which is neat!

These days it’s really easy to learn how to paint on a leather or pleather jacket. There are tons of tutorials on YouTube showing you exactly how to do it and it really isn’t that difficult of a project to accomplish. You’re not good at painting? You can make a stencil out of cardboard, or any kind of thicker type paper, and do it that way. If what you create isn’t 100% perfect that is okay. You actually don’t even have to put band names on a jacket if you don’t want to. The latest one that I painted, shown below, doesn’t have a single band name on it. I am heavily into post-apocalyptic and dystopian films so I went with that kind of theme. There are also tutorials online that teach you how to stud a jacket and the studs are very cheap to buy on sites such as Etsy.

This is the best looking jacket I have ever painted and I used a combo of stencils and freehand.

When it comes down to it when you buy a premade ‘punk’ jacket you are being exploited by a company wanting to make money off of a subculture that they don’t give a crap about. They don’t care about the long history of the DIY ethos that runs through it. Instead they see you as a rube willing to spend your hard earned cash on their manufactured product in order to look ‘edgy’. Don’t be a victim of their avarice and greed. When you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything you want, including painting bands that you love on your own jacket.

Brandon Pybus Of Sonsombre Is A Racist And I Feel Betrayed As Hell Right Now

I stand with Jello.

Here is a quick rundown on what has happened. Last year there were some screen shots of some very old problematic Facebook likes that Brandon Pybus made years ago that were passed around the internet as proof that he was racist. Then Brandon appeared on a show explaining his side of things, and what he said made sense to me so I believed him. My thought process at the time was that if he was currently actively racist why would he agree to speak about being against racism. Some people have been telling me that there was more evidence, but I personally never saw any. I based my opinion on those old likes that I saw and what Brandon said and that was it.

This all changed yesterday when definitive proof was produced. It has been shown that Brandon has been an active member of the Sons Of Confederate Veterans since 2015. This is considered to be a hate group because they want Confederate statues to be kept in place, Confederate flags to be flown freely and they spread lies about why the Civil War was fought.

To say I am pissed off at Brandon is a huge understatement. In the past we had actually spoken about the Civil War because I have several ancestors who fought for the Union and who were from West Virginia, an area that he lives near. Never once did he say anything about the Confederacy or about being a member of that group. Of course he didn’t, because he knew that it would instantly piss me off and that I would tell other people. If he thought it wasn’t a racist group then why would he hide being a member of it? He had also told me in other discussions that he was in no way racist and that he wasn’t that kind of person.

I am not the only person that he has majorly lied to. He has worked with many other musicians as either a producer, a guitar player or as a vocalist. I feel for these musicians more than anybody else because they were closer to him and knew him as a personal friend, as somebody that they would help if he needed it. He really put himself out there, helping people and being friendly with everybody. It felt like he was doing something that the goth subculture really needed; a musician that was willing to work with everybody instead of against everybody.

There isn’t very much money to be made in the subculture so I don’t think he did all of this for that reason. I witnessed the WAR (white aryan resistance) skins, in the late 80’s/early 90’s, try to heavily infiltrate the goth and punk club scenes on the US West Coast and there is something about this whole situation that reminds me of that ordeal. They had more success in the goth subculture because back then the people within it were generally more passive and not as political as now. I’m not saying that everybody ignored politics but a certain percentage of people really couldn’t be bothered. That is one of the reasons why I have always kept a foot in the punk scene because people tend to be more reactive when bad shit happens. The punks and SHARP skins did all of the heavy lifting back then and drove the WAR skins out. Maybe Brandon thought that the goth subculture would be an easy place for him to infiltrate because he thinks that a lot of the people within the subculture are still very passive? That in the end people would support him no matter what he believed or said?

I would like to state for the record that I’m sorry that I hurt the feelings of the people who shared those Facebook likes last year. I supported the wrong person in this whole situation. I tend to defend friends to the death if I think they have been wronged, so that is why I reacted the way that I did. I fully support BLM, stand against racism and want everybody to be treated equally no matter who they are or who they love.

My heart feels crushed right now. However, I am not going to let Brandon’s lying racist ass get to me. I have scrubbed all mention of him and Sonsombre from this blog and I have deleted all of Sonsombre’s music from my computer. I plan on making the Sonsombre vinyl records that I own into bowls, because I don’t want to make money off of them and throwing them away isn’t exactly environmentally friendly.

Link to podcast containing the new information.

EDIT: Apparently Brandon has made a non apology and is blocking people from actually asking questions about the racist organization that he belongs to. He blocked me even before I could comment, go figure. I’m not linking it because I don’t want to give him any views. It’s easy to find on Sonsombre’s Facebook page. I dedicate Gwar’s song Sick Of You to him. It’s very apt at the moment.

I stand with Gwar!

Why The Hell Are ‘Goth Influencers’ Still Supporting Dollskill?

Even the Toxic Avenger wouldn’t wear this.

Dollskill, for those of you who don’t know, is an ‘alternative’ clothing brand that has a very problemic past involving stealing designs, racism, ableism and all sorts of nefarious type things. These events are very well known and several videos on the subject have been made by illuminaughtii, Emily Boo, Ready To Glare and many other YouTube content creators. If you type in ‘Dollskill sucks’ you will be greeted by a ton of videos on the subject.

Their clothes for the most part are very cringe worthy, made for young women who are graduating from the school of Hot Topic. They are definitely not aimed towards older people such as myself. They have different looks listed under the profiles of different young women:

  • Mercy – Represents the ‘goth’ look, that according to them includes the wearing of pentagrams, crosses and lots of lace and see through clothing. In other words the exact same kind of crap being sold by a ton of other ‘alternative’ sites. The name is a play on the most basic goth band The Sisters Of Mercy, how droll of them.
  • Darby – Represents the ‘punk’ look, that according to them includes the wearing of plaid, short skirts and graphic printed shirts. Just like the Mercy section many of the clothes have lace and are see through. Do you sense a pattern going on? This name is based on the singer for the Germs Darby Crash. How rebellious!
  • Willow – Represents the ‘festival’ look, that according to them includes a bunch of fringe, bell bottoms and clothing that looks like Rainbow Brite threw up on them. There are three more profiles but I seriously don’t feel like punishing my eyes any longer.

With all of this being said why the hell are ‘influencers’ still promoting them? My guess is because free cheaply made overpriced clothing is more important than anything else. The dumb bitches are outing themselves as being casual supporters of racism, among other things, which makes it really easy to avoid and ignore them. Yes, I called them dumb bitches, because you have got to be a really shallow and dense individual if your ‘look’ is more important than not supporting a company run by yet another dumb bitch.

What makes these people any different than the ‘normies’ that they often complain about? Nothing, because they are in fact ‘normies’. In the famous words of Jello Biafra: ‘You ain’t hardcore cos you spike your hair when a jock still lives in your head’. In other words, wearing black clothing doesn’t automatically make you ‘goth’, no matter how hard you try. This is especially true when you show off the free merch that you are receiving from a shit brand like Dollskill.

Don’t want to be considered a dumb bitch? Then don’t support brands such as Dollskill. Instead of showing off outfits that you receive free from questionable companies maybe actually spend your own money on the clothes that you wear. Too broke to buy the clothes yourself? Welcome to reality, a place in which most people cannot throw down a couple of thousand pounds for a whole new wardrobe. Instead, they steadily buy pieces through the years and wear them for so long that they will only toss them when they can no longer be fixed. Normally the only people who care about the newest trends in clothing are the trendies who will buy a whole new season of clothing by a designer several times a year. So if you run across a goth ‘influencer’ online that always jumps on ‘alternative’ trends, such as wearing clothes with crescent moons all over them, then you are witnessing behaviour that is no different from that acted out by the rest of society. The only difference is that the ‘influencer’ is wearing mostly black.

He must feel powerful, but he should be wearing black lipstick in order to become a goth superhero.

Why the hell are there ‘influencers’ in the goth subculture to begin with? Why do people need to be told exactly what to wear? These fashion victims think that looking dark and edgy automatically makes them goth. These are the same people who will take a selfie of themselves wearing black lipstick and post said photo all over the internet claiming they feel powerful and goth wearing such lipstick. Goth ‘influencers’ perpetuate all of this crap. Most actual people in the subculture do not put on a full face of make-up every single day and don’t dress to the nines just to go grocery shopping, unless they especially feel like it. Hell, there have been times I’ve done it because I was bored out of mind and wanted to look extra pretty that day. I take no issue with that at all. It becomes a problem when others in the subculture expect you to do it every single day or you’re not considered a ‘real’ goth.

These goth ‘influencers’ are considered to be ‘real’ goths by their followers which is at the heart of this problem. When they promote companies such as Dollskill they are basically saying to their fans that wearing Dollskill clothing is a very goth thing to do. They don’t mention all of the issues the company has had because they don’t want to lose that free swag they keep getting. The majority of these influencers, as you can expect, are young thin white women. Since they don’t really experience racism why should they have to worry their pretty little heads about it? If you buy the same clothes and wear your make-up exactly like them then you too could perhaps become an influencer! I call it the Kardashianization of the goth subculture. People becoming famous even though they aren’t talented in any way, shape or form.

So, what have we learned today? That aspiring to become a stupid bitch isn’t something that people should be wanting to do. Dollskill is trash and doesn’t deserve your hard earned money, especially during a world wide economic meltdown.

On Collecting Vinyl Once Again After A Very Long Hiatus

First US pressing of November Coming Fire by Samhain.

When I was a teen in the 1980’s I had quite the vinyl collection going. I was heavily into U2, The Virgin Prunes, PiL, and other bands that were considered ‘alternative’ during that time. Over the years, for various reasons, that old collection disappeared. I moved around so much after 2000 that there was no way I could hold onto them. The only ones that survived all of the upheaval were the 45’s that I kept in my mother’s linen closet that are still sitting there to this day. I actually plan on sending her some money within the year so that she can mail them to me.

Collecting vinyl has become very popular due to a huge kick of nostalgia that society as a whole is going through right now. What’s really funny about all of this is that the import records that I bought over 30 years ago are cheaper now than they were back then. No joke! An import 12″ single from England could have cost you upwards of $20.00 back in the 80’s, and the same single will cost you only $10.00 now. It’s pretty insane!

I resisted all of this vinyl fetishization for quite a while and I have even made fun of the hipsters who have kept this trend in motion. What got to me was that these people, who weren’t even alive in the 80’s, were buying the music that had for years defined me as a person. The music wasn’t defining for them, rather they bought the music and wore the band shirts because they thought it would make them look hip and trendy. A prime example of this is what has been done to Joy Division. Every member, and ex-member, of New Order now makes a hefty check off of performing Joy Division songs live. A band that they had totally disavowed back in the 80’s has suddenly become their main meal ticket because of the hipster contingent spending gobs of money to have an ‘experience’.

I finally came to the realization about a year ago that I have the absolute right to buy back all of the vinyl I once owned, because I have actual past memories associated with the music rather than creating false ones. For example, I have started to collect and buy all of the U2 vinyl that I used to own. Even though there is a huge resurgence of interest in all things post-punk right now the younger crowd automatically dismisses U2’s early albums, even though they are 100% post-punk in sound and tone. Their loss is my gain because the majority of U2’s work from Boy to The Unforgettable Fire is very affordable. You can get a nice first UK printing of the War gatefold album for only £20.00.

One of the better post-punk songs to come out of the 80’s.

I’m writing all of this just to tell you not to let hipster morons dictate what you can or cannot listen to or buy. Just because hipster scum ‘love’ Joy Division doesn’t mean that you have to stop enjoying them. I’ll be damned if I let a bunch of tragically hip morons dictate what I should or shouldn’t like listening to. I’ll buy the vinyl I want to buy because I genuinely love the music, not because I want to be seen as ‘cool’. I have never been ‘cool’ so why would I want to create a false persona at my age?

Questioned For Wearing A Band Shirt Just Because You’re A Chick? It Sucks.

I am a middle aged woman wearing a Samhain shirt. Fear me!

Recently the wannabe version of the Dead Kennedys questioned a woman who was wearing one of their shirts as somebody who probably didn’t listen to their music. The woman did in fact listen to the band and they lost a fan. Jello Biafra even stepped forward and said that what they posted was crap and that he would never assume something like that. This whole thing really pissed me off because for years women who enjoy listening to punk or metal bands have had to deal with this sort of thing. Now even bands are saying this crap?

There has been a trend that started within the last decade of regular chain stores selling punk and metal band shirts. This in turn means that regular people buy them to wear without knowing that they are actual bands. A good example of this is the Misfits fiend skull. It’s seen as just a symbol by some people. Is that a little sad? Sure, but do you have the right to go up to that person and grill them about what their favourite Misfits songs are? No. If they want to look like a fashion victim that is their choice and none of your damn business. If you want to be mad at anybody be mad at the bands for selling out. I’m looking at you Jerry Only!

When I started heavily getting into punk and wearing shirts from bands such as Samhain, Misfits, 7 Seconds,etc… I would occasionally get guys coming up to me and grilling me on albums and songs. Sometimes they would even ask me if I just wanted to fuck the band. No joke! As a woman I had to prove time and time again that I was really into the music. Once I listed off the songs and albums I liked that would usually shut them up and they would slink back to the sewer from which they came.

The funny thing about all of this is that I have known more about punk bands than anybody I have ever dated. Seriously. That older woman who is wearing a Samhain shirt while walking down the street may know more about the band than you do and she might be such a fan that she has been listening to them for over thirty years; longer that you have been alive.

I feel that the guys who perpetuate this are insecure when it comes to their knowledge about the bands that they like. They are scared that somebody might actually know more about their favorite bands than they do, and it would especially be harrowing for them if that same middle aged woman wearing that Samhain shirt knew facts that they didn’t know. Middle aged women aren’t supposed to be listening to punk! Instead we are supposed to be wearing mom jeans and ferrying a bunch of kids around in a minivan all day.

The best thing to do when you see a chick wearing a punk or metal band shirt is just to smile when you see them and keep walking. If they initiate a conversation because they sense that you could also like the same band then that is awesome! You’re not being an asshole in that type of situation and you could possibly make a friend. Isn’t that better than making baseless assumptions about somebody just because they are a woman wearing a punk or metal band shirt? If you think otherwise then you are indeed being an asshole.

On Being A Female Goth DJ Twenty Years Ago

Something wicked this way comes.

Before I begin I would like to state for the record that the names of the people involved in the Portland Oregon and Washington DC ‘scenes’ mentioned in this post have been changed. I changed some because I honestly can’t remember them, and I changed others in the hope that they have at least evolved a little bit over the last twenty years. I have also changed the names of clubs. If you ask me who these people really are I will not answer. If people haven’t changed they will say I am lying and will pretty much be outing themselves, which will kind of prove my point. I will post their real names, if I can remember, and such responses in this blog for the whole world to see if they occur.

I thought long and hard about writing this. There are so many women out there spinning right now, and that makes me very happy. However, it makes me sad that some of these women are experiencing some of the same sexist crap that I encountered twenty years ago. After hearing really fucked up stories I feel like I should tell my own.

I moved to Portland in 2002 after a really bad relationship went south. Before that I had been in a really disastrous marriage so emotionally I felt like I had to get out of the area I was living in. My mother had moved to Oregon about ten years before so I thought that Portland would be a good choice for me. Back in the 80’s and 90’s Portland had a reputation of being infested with WAR (white aryan resistance) skinheads. When I went there in 1991 I had a run-in with one, but by 2000 they were long gone.

Before I moved to Portland I had never been a DJ, so I brought none of that baggage with me. Nobody knew who the hell I was so nobody had any preconceived notions about me. During that time I dressed up a lot when I went out, which was about the complete opposite of how I had dressed ten years before. It was partially due to being newly single and stretching my wings. There was definitely some jealousy that reared its ugly head pretty soon after I moved there. Most of it came from a chick that I’ll call Esmerelda. Esmerelda got most of her wardrobe from Hot Topic and her main goal in life was apparently becoming the ‘scene queen’. I didn’t think bad of her because of the Hot Topic fixation, rather her obsession with scene status alarmed the hell out of me. Oh, and she had the hots for a male goth DJ named Tarzan. Tarzan knew this and perpetually lead her on to make her seem like she had a chance when in reality she didn’t. At one point I hooked up with Tarzan. One of his friends actually asked me if I had indeed hooked up with him. Since I had no shame I said yes. A few days later at a club Tarzan comes up to me and tells me that I shouldn’t have talked about hooking up with him because he likes to keep his personal life private. I, in turn, told him that he ought to get new friends then because they are the ones who asked me. I’m 100% positive that he didn’t want Esmeralda to know about any of this because he enjoyed leading her on. Basically I was slut shamed, so as you can imagine I told him to fuck off. I never spoke to him after that.

There was one other person from the San Francisco Bay Area in the the scene and her name was Davina. I didn’t know her before this because I hadn’t been a fixture in the SF Bay Area scene, however we knew of some of the same people and we both hated the uber gooberness of some of the clubs there. She was a DJ, and offered to teach me since I showed an interest in it. It really wasn’t that difficult and I begun to spin at the same club every once in a while. I actually had fun doing it, and I tended to spin music that the other DJs either didn’t have or didn’t know even existed. Remember this was the era in which really shit EBM and synthpop music was taking over the clubs. I was one of the only people in that town at the time who was spinning deathrock and goth rock. I even spun some of the deathrock revival music that had started to come out during that time.

One night I spun and barely anybody danced. I was a bit drunk and said kind of loudly in the club to some friends that a lot of people there had a shit taste in music. Not everybody could hear me and I didn’t direct that statement towards a specific person, I just meant in general. Should I have said it? Maybe not, but I was speaking the truth. What most of the people wanted to hear was repetitive boring crap. Well, apparently two scene queens from Seattle who were visiting heard me and complained to the self appointed goth scene king Urkel. Urkel was a DJ who only spun the EBM and synthpop repetitive crap. Being the passive aggressive coward that he was I didn’t hear about any of this until the next day when he sent me an email demanding that I apologize to the two women. I had no idea who these people were and since I did not direct my ire at them at all I didn’t feel like I owed them anything. Fuck that. Urkel didn’t like that one bit. Not only did he say that deathrock sucked he also threatened me with goth club banishment. Seriously, he told me that I would never DJ in Portland ever again. I think there was definitely some sexist bullshit going on because he was used to people bending their knee to him, but when a woman wouldn’t do it they deserved threats of banishment. By the way it was Urkel who screwed up when Convergence was held in Portland in 2007. He failed to book some venues and some of the bands were decidedly not goth in nature. A couple of years after I left he started to DJ deathrock music, because of course he did.

Around the same time as all of this I met somebody online who lived in Washington DC. I flew there to visit, everything went fine, but when I moved there he suddenly had the urge to tell me that he didn’t like me in ‘that way’. I was pretty heartbroken, but I stayed in DC because I had a lease and didn’t want to shell out thousands of dollars to move out early. At this time I found out about a goth club called Gothik and I went one night to investigate. The music was just about the same crap that was being played in Portland which was pretty intolerable, but I did meet a few cool people so it wasn’t all bad. I talked to the promoter of the club, Edwin, who was a guy in his 50’s about wanting to guest DJ there and he said I could. Well, I spun my usual kind of music and some people would dance so I did okay. I would get people coming up to me saying that I spun really good music but that the local scene was filled people who had a bad taste in music. Their words not mine! You know things are bad when various people tell you exactly the same thing about a local scene.

During this time I was also a guest DJ at another club night that was run by a guy named Dizzy. Dizzy had a girlfriend but I and others were made to believe that it wasn’t serious, so I messed around with him a bit. Then he ghosted me. Seriously, the guy was a piece of shit and I wasn’t the only one he did this to. Since he was one of the only goth scene promoters there was almost no way of getting DJ gigs, except for the club Gothik. Around this time a resident DJ spot opened there. I interviewed with Edwin and the one resident 22 year old DJ named Sophia. Sophia only ever spun synthpop and EBM so I told them that I would be a good fit since I spun music that just about nobody spun and that fact would attract more people to the club. Some people didn’t like the club expressly because the club’s music was boring, so I made a good point. Did I get the gig? Nope, and you know why? Because I didn’t own enough synthpop music. Wahahahaha!!!!!!

What made that whole situation even more funny was the fact that Sophia never bought any of the music that she spun. She illegally downloaded 100% of the music that she played. Her excuse being that she was a poor student and couldn’t afford to buy music. She actually told me once that if I wanted to hear goth rock and deathrock music that I should make some CDs for her because she didn’t know about that kind of music. I’m not even kidding about that. Oh hell to the fucking no. It’s her job to know about the damn music and I was not going to give her a rope to climb out of her cesspool of really crap synthpop. There were quite a few special people in that scene, so here is a short list of them.

-A male DJ named Dinky who promoted himself as a professional DJ, but all he would do was load a pre-mixed CD into the player and just stand back for an hour. Like Sophia he illegally downloaded all of his music. Proven by the fact that he claimed that Cry Little Sister, from the Lost Boys soundtrack, was by the Sisters Of Mercy. He also thought that all goths got into the music through Marilyn Manson.

-A male DJ named Binky who could never get gigs and said that I only got one because I was a woman. He was so bitter that he told me this on several different occasions.

-Edwin, the promoter, was very creepy and it was well known that he would hit on the young women who went to the club. I didn’t fall for his crap because I was over thirty.

-The group of DJs who opened a goth club night the same night as Gothik, which was just down the block. An example of how promoters worked against one another instead of together.

I decided to leave when my lease was up because the scene was so damn toxic that there was no way I would ever be happy there. After all of that I was never a DJ again, because all of that drama was just way too much for me to handle on a regular basis. Both cities had very toxic goth scenes and I truly feel sorry for the young people who wanted into the subculture during that time. Please don’t think that everybody was a narcissistic jerk in both cities because they weren’t. However, a lot of the people were too afraid to ever speak up because they didn’t want to lose their scene cred. In my opinion those particular people were just as guilty.

I really hope that things have changed in both of those cities. Do I still hate all of those people and wish them a horrible death? No. The reason being is that some people do change over time and end up the exact opposite of who they used to be. I’m all for people redeeming themselves, because I have changed a lot. I am now in a happy marriage and living in the U.K.. Plus, I have opened my mind a bit when it comes to electronic music in general. Do I still think that some EBM and synthpop bands suck? I will never willingly listen to VNV Nation, and if you ever see a positive review of them on this site you know that something bad has happened to me.

Combine Disney And Star Wars Fandoms And What Do You Get? Toxic Sludge

I would like to start this out by saying that I do not think that Disney World should be open right now. However, from what I have seen online, they are very strictly enforcing their mask mandate and are throwing people out of the park for taking them off. I’ve seen footage of this happening. They have been crowding the Florida parks too much though and that does piss me off. Disneyland Paris has been closed for months and won’t reopen till April or later, and I applaud this. It’s because the leadership in France isn’t as stupid as the governor of Florida. Has the French government done dumb shit? Of course, but in this case they are doing the correct thing and I applaud them for that.

Late next year I am planning a trip to Disneyland Paris for my husband and I. I am turning 50 next month, but since the park is closed I cannot go there for my birthday. This has me sad and pissed off at the same time. Sad because my 50th birthday is going to suck, and pissed off because a bunch of idiots can’t handle wearing a mask or socially distancing themselves from others. Now we are more than likely going to go in October of next year, since most people will be vaccinated by then and Halloween is our favourite holiday. I know that some of you think that Disney sucks, and I do take issue with some of the things they have done over the years. However, I haven’t been to a Disney park since the early 80’s and this has been kind of a dream of mine. Plus, I have MS and I want to go soon because I might not be able to walk in a few years.

With all of that being said I have been watching various Disney themed YouTube channels because I want to be full of excitement and knowledge by the time we visit the park. I have come to discover that there are many content creators on there that actively hate Disney so much that they make video after video of anti-Disney material. Most, but not all, of the time this is tied to the Star Wars franchise. I have absolutely nothing against people criticizing Disney, but many of their loudest critics also spout alt-right talking points. The fact that Disney is trying to become more inclusive really pisses them off.

Why would people be pissed off about a company actively trying to be more inclusive you may be asking. Could it be because they are stuck back in the 1950’s and don’t want the world to change? Are they bitter because Disney took away their press credentials so that they aren’t privy to new Disney news any longer? Do they hold Star Wars to a certain ideal and are permanently pissed off that Disney hasn’t achieved their level of perfection? Do they think that social justice warriors are evil and have ruined both Disney and Star Wars? The channels in question usually fall into one of these categories, but in truly special cases they fall into several of them.

A common thing that the anti-Mickey Mouse Club shouts over and over again is that Disney is failing and that they can’t wait for it to happen. Disney is cutting the racist crow scene out of Dumbo? ‘They are losing all of their supporters over this and are going down!’. Disney actively casts more women in their Star Wars films? ‘Disney is filled with swjs bringing the company down!’. Disney hired Krystina Arielle for The High Republic Show, a web series all about Star Wars: The New Republic? ‘Disney is going down because they hired a black woman who is racist against white people!’.

Yes, you read the last entry correctly. I listened to one YouTube channel in particular that went on and on about how Krystina was racist against white people because of some of the things she posted during the height of the BLM protests. Want to know what she posted? Here you go:

And I was in such a good mood. White People: You do not get to absolve people of racism. You do not get to point out their “Growth” when they say black lives matter after treating us as if we don’t. You don’t get to accept apologies on our behalf. That shouldn’t need to be said

I am assuming that all of you reading this are aware of what the term ‘racist’ means. If you don’t here you go:

the systemic oppression of a racial group to the social, economic, and political advantage of another

How the hell is she being racist towards white people? The reason why these idiots are accusing her of racism is because they are projecting their own insecurities onto her. In other words the people in question are themselves racist. They are pissed off that a black woman got hired to host the show. They think that Disney has been taken over by sjws, and that their attempt at inclusion is to the detriment of white fans of both Star Wars and Disney. Also, they deem anybody who disagrees with them to be a paid Disney shills. Seriously. I wonder when my check is going to arrive?

Notice how I am not naming the guilty offenders of all of this? If you take a leisurely stroll over to YouTube it doesn’t take a very long time to find these channels. I refuse to name them because that is exactly what they want. They are like spoiled brats who think that all attention is good, even when it is negative in nature.

Please don’t think that all people who are into Disney and Star Wars are like this, because they are not. There are many fans out there who may dislike some aspects of Disney and Star Wars but they are not being racist and sexist bitches about it. I think constructive criticism is an awesome thing, and when done brilliantly companies do seriously listen. What Disney is not going to do is listen to are anti-sjw tirades that bring nothing to the table besides hate, jealousy and anger. If I can see through that crap then you can bet that Disney can as well.

Despite all of this I still love Star Wars and want to go to Disneyland Paris. I’m not going to let a bunch of racist narcissists spoil my fun!

EDIT: As I finish this article a negative YouTube channel that I have mentioned is now bitching about Disney wanting to deplatform them and other channels like them. I don’t know…maybe this could be the case because these channels have been constantly using alt-right talking points and have been openly racist and hateful towards people involved with Disney and Star Wars? Hmmmmm……………..

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