My Dystopian Life

welcome to the abyss

Do Black Lives And Immigrants Only Matter When Morrissey Isn’t In Town?

Looks like he is trying to take a dump.

In an earlier post here I discussed in length as to what happened when I confronted Sean Brennan of London After Midnight about playing Cruel World Festival. To be fair I wrote the same exact email to a few other bands playing it as well. In the back of my mind I just knew that Sean Brennan’s ego would get the better of him and he would respond. Bingo!!! For literally decades he’s been known as being kind of an asshole so I had fun with him and bounced. In reality I actually don’t blame many of the bands for playing the gig because so many bands went broke during the pandemic.

So what is getting my panties in a bunch? People who claim to support black lives and immigrants are paying to see Morrissey, a musician who has been proven time and time again to be a racist, classist and just an all around terrible excuse of a human being. I’ll give you time to think about the sheer hypocrisy of it all for a few minutes. Got it? Okay, let us proceed.

I know that some people don’t genuinely know all about the crap he has said over the years, so I am not talking about them. A lot of teens and young adults will just take an artist for their word without understanding that some of them can be very bad people if you just scratch their skin and look underneath. However, those who do know about all of his bullshit and still went to see him anyway deserve a ton of negative attention because apparently supporting a known racist musician is just peachy-keen because he made music in the 80’s.

I can hear you asking what the heck did Morrissey say to piss me, and other leftists, off so much. Well, here you go! Enjoy the ride of racist quotes, vegan insanity and not believing sexual assault victims! Still pay to see him after knowing all of this? Piss off and fuck your feelings.

  • Of the Norway massacre in which 77 people died, Morrissey heralds to a Warsaw crowd, “That is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried shit every day.”
  • Discussing animal cruelty in China: Morrissey tells the Guardian, “You can’t help but feel that the Chinese people are a subspecies.”
  • “If you have any concern for animal welfare, for example, you cannot possibly vote for either Conservatives or Labour, because both parties support halal slaughter, which, as we all know, is evil. Furthermore, halal slaughter requires certification that can only be given by supporters of ISIS, and yet in England we have halal meat served in hospitals and schools!”
  • On the far-right political party For Britain: “For Britain seem to say what many British people are currently thinking, which is why the BBC or Channel 4 News will not acknowledge them, because, well, For Britain would change British politics forever.”
  • On acid attacks: “London is second only to Bangladesh for acid attacks. All of the attacks are non-white, and so they cannot be truthfully addressed by the British government or the Met Police or the BBC because of political correctness. What this means is that the perpetrator is considered to be as much of a victim as the actual victim.”
  • On immigration: “Although I don’t have anything against people from other countries, the higher the influx into England the more the British identity disappears.
  • On Kevin Spacey: “As far as I know, he was in a bedroom with a 14-year-old. Kevin Spacey was 26, boy 14… When you are in somebody’s bedroom, you have to be aware of where that can lead to. That’s why it does not sound very credible to me. It seems to me that Spacey has been attacked unnecessarily.”
  • On reggae music: “The most racist music in the entire world… an absolute total glorification of black supremacy.”
  • On Brexit: “As for Brexit, the result was magnificent, but it is not accepted by the BBC or Sky News because they object to a public that cannot be hypnotised by BBC or Sky nonsense.”
  • On Nigel Farage: “I nearly voted for Ukip. I like Nigel Farage a great deal.”

All of these quotes are available on multiple websites, so if you want to explore Morrissey being a racist wanker you can just Google ‘Morrissey racist quotes’ and tons of sites will pop-up. I really hope this opened your eyes to who Morrissey really is and that you will no longer support him.

My Favourite Prince Songs

The man. myth and legend.

If you were any kind of weirdo in the 80’s you more than likely loved Prince to some degree. Seriously, he has always had a very large fanbase in alternative circles. So much so that I have never met a weirdo who hates his music. I have even talked to dudes into heavy hardcore punk who loved and respected him for doing things the way he wanted to instead of bowing down to music industry pressure. Also, his music was played in every single alternative club back then and it was fun as hell to dance to.

With all of that being said I have loved him since the early 80’s when I first saw the videos for1999 and Little Red Corvette on MTV. I also really liked the earlier song I Wanna Be Your Lover but I didn’t know that was made by him for years. During that time I actually went and saw Purple Rain in a theater as a double feature with Mad Max II(Road Warrior). I got my mom to buy the soundtrack and I listened to it so much that I ended up warping the cassette. In fact I still know all of the words to the songs off of it.

I liked some of the songs he did after Purple Rain but his earlier material is what I have always connected more with. When he died it upset me more than any other celebrity death because here was a man who was a musical genius that died because he became a Jehovah’s Witness. That cult believes that you cannot have blood transfusions because it is against the word of God, or something silly like that. Prince really needed to get hip replacement surgery but he couldn’t because of the whole blood transfusion thing. Instead he got addicted to pain pills and overdosed. I still get teary thinking about it sometimes.

Prince is the number one musician that I regret never seeing live. However, through the magic of the internet, we can watch all of his videos and performances. These are my all time favourite Prince songs in no specific order. If you have never listened to his music before you are in for a treat.

Controversy (1981)

Kiss (1986)

Erotic City (1984)

1999 (1982)

When Doves Cry (1984)

I Wanna Be Your Lover (1978)

U Got The Look (1987)

Little Red Corvette (1982)

Gett Off (1991)

Raspberry Beret (1985)

Product Review: Angry Itch 14 Hole Steel Toe Five Buckle Leather Boots

I added the khaki laces, they come with black ones.

Before I start I would like it to be known that I bought these boots with my own money and did not get them as payment to write a review. I don’t accept any free products and never will. With that out of the way let’s get to what you are here for; a review of Angry Itch boots.

These are quite honestly some of the best ‘alternative’ style boots I have ever purchased. I am not saying that lightly because trying to find a good quality ‘alternative’ type boot right now is very difficult since most are now made cheaply in China or companies have lowered their production standards. New Rock I am looking at you. With this being the case I literally searched high and low online for a brand that actually can last years instead of months. I saw a few mentions of Angry Itch and only one video of somebody actually sitting down and reviewing them. All other posts were only of people wearing them and that’s it.

So, buying these boots was a really big leap of faith on my part. What really got my attention about them was the fact that the brand is made in Poland by a German company. They are really proud of their product being made in the EU and don’t hide that fact at all. Another huge factor in me buying these is the price-point. Even though they are made of leather they are cheaper than brands such as Demonia; this pair runs from about £100-£140 depending on where you buy them.

Sewn, glued and screwed.

First let’s talk about the construction. As you can see the soles are stitched and also screwed in. On top of that they are also glued, so the soles are attached using three separate methods instead of just the one or two that the other well known brands such as New Rock or Demonia use. Historically I have only ever owned one pair of ranger type boots that had screws in the soles and those were bought at Shelly’s in London 25 years ago. I only had to stop wearing them because my feet grew and they became too small. Yes, your feet still grow as you get older, be prepared! If the soles of these boots wear down a lot in the future I can just get new soles screwed onto them which is a huge plus. The buckles themselves have a cool dystopian feel and are fastened to the boots with rivets instead of being sewn on, which means they will not easily break.

The buckles are riveted to the boots instead of sewn.

These boots are made of a nice quality leather. They are not made of plastic coated leather which makes it more easy to care for them. When I received them the leather looked a little dry. This is very common when you buy any type of boots online because they may not be stored in a climate controlled warehouse. This is in no way the fault of the brand because I have had this also happen with New Rock boots I have purchased in the past. I spent a little time moisturizing them and they no longer look dry so this is a very easy thing to correct. In fact you should always moisturize your leather boots at least a few times a year, because it makes them last way longer than if you do not moisturize them at all.

The zipper is robust and double sewn into the boot, as are the straps.

I always get a little nervous about zippers on boots, because often they will be of a very cheap quality. However, the zippers on these are very robust and not flimsy plastic. In the few weeks that I have been wearing these I haven’t had a single issue with them which is a huge relief! They are double sewn into the boot making them more strong and less likely to detach from the boot.

View from the front. Hidden from view are 2 slits in the tongue that keep it in place when laced.

Now on to the most important section of the review; the fit. I have a slightly narrow foot and calf and I am a size 6.5 UK/8.5 US. Since these boots only come in whole sizes I ordered a size 7 UK/40 EU. It is always more easy to make a slightly larger boot fit than to ram your toes inside a boot that is too small. Before I tried them on I inserted one foam insole into each boot and put on a thick pair of thermal knee high socks since doing both always makes my half size feet fit into boots better. I do this with every pair of boots I own. They fit my feet like a glove. No joke! My heel barely lifts inside the boot when walking in them. I think this is partly due to the adjustable buckle straps. I have slightly narrow calves and the buckles allow me to strap them in very well. I have worn them on several short walks and I haven’t gotten a single blister from them. None. The construction of these boots is so well done they could honestly go down a runway and nobody would think they are out of place. All of the decades of Frankensteining clothes together have taught me that the construction of garments is just as important as the type of material you use.

Meet our little pet xenomorph Cujo. I bleached the nuclear cloud on the leggings with a stencil and a bleach pen.

With that being said these boots would fit a narrow or regular foot better than a wide one. However, if you have a wide foot and are a whole size you might get away with ordering the next size up. I am not guaranteeing that so please don’t come at me if that doesn’t work out for you. Also, I would have to say that these will not fit you if you have larger calves. Zippered up the circumference of the top of the boot is 12 inches fully tied closed. The buckle straps are also for more slim or regular calves. You can add a hole or two on them and that’s it. If you are a slim legged individual that has issues finding boots that don’t gap at the top these may actually work for you.

Do I recommend buying these boots? Hell yes! This brand deserves way more attention than Demonia or New Rock. They are making very well constructed quality leather boots for not that much money. They are sold by mostly UK and EU dark alternative physical stores and websites, so if you are outside of those areas they may cost a bit more. They can also be found on Ebay and Amazon, but make sure you are getting the real deal and not fakes. The only reason why I am not providing links is because so many stores are in flux right now.

I will be reviewing quite a number of boots I own over the coming months because I have bought them all with my own money. I am not for sale so you will only get honest reviews from me.

Want My Thoughts On The Overturning Of Roe Vs. Wade? FUCK THE US GOVERNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Exploited were right 40 years ago. FUCK THE USA

I had an abortion 31 years ago in the US and have never regretted it. Never. If abortions had been illegal during that time in the US I would have killed myself. Having one saved me from a life that I did not want to live; being tied to a lying asshole after being forced to have his child. So, FUCK THE US GOVERNMENT. They have absolutely no right to tell a woman what she should and shouldn’t do with her own body!!! I no longer live in the US and there isn’t a US embassy where I live so I can’t do shit in person but I will fight this shit online. If you are in the US please get out in the streets in protest!!!! In the immortal words of The Exploited BEAT THE BASTARDS!!!!!

Songs That Were Played In The Alternative Clubs I Went To From 1988-92

This was the inside of the alternative club One Step Beyond that I went to from 1988 till it closed in 1991. I vividly remember that head painting! Not my photo.

I went to my first ‘alterative’ club in early 1988 on my 17th birthday, and it was called One Step Beyond in Santa Clara California. For whatever reason their age limit was 17 and up instead of 18, and I had a friend that had a car so I know I was very lucky to get to experience this. My friend had graduated in 87 so I was the only teen from my high school that went. My mom was/is cool and never gave me a curfew and let me go.

What did I experience exactly? It was the tail end of new wave, so the older songs were still played regularly. Radio stations refused to play rap songs by certain artists like 2 Live Crew or NWA and alternative clubs such as One Step Beyond were among the only places that you could hear those bands being played. The American government was trying to get such bands banned for offensive lyrics so playing such music in a club setting was actually pretty forward thinking for the time.

That is me on the left at the Twilight Zone in early 1991 when I was 20. Yes, I did the jacket myself, it had a Fiend skull on the back.

Rather than me droning on and on I am going to be posting some songs that I vividly remember being played during that time at One Step Beyond, The Twilight Zone and The Edge. Each place had it’s own unique vibe. The Edge was close to Stanford University so it was where the wealthy students would go if they wanted to go slumming, but there was definitely a gaggle of weirdos that also went there. The Twilight Zone was in an old movie theatre lobby and had the best venue I have ever been to. It has sweeping staircases to a second level where you could look down on the dance-floor and it was all ages. Finally, One Step Beyond. It had the most diverse crowd out of the three. There were punkers, mods, skins, etc… and everybody pretty much got along.

These are in no sort of order and are songs that I heard during that time in the clubs. Notice how eclectic this list is? It’s why I loved these clubs. I think something was definitely lost when the goth nights started to pop up in the early 90’s and left a lot of this music behind.

Desireless – Voyage Voyage (1986)

Red Flag – If I Ever (1989)

Digital Underground – Doowutchyalike (1990)

A Flock Of Seagulls – Wishing (If I Had A Photograph) (1983)

Virgin Prunes – Pagan Love Song (1982)

2 Live Crew – Get It Girl (1987)

My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult- The Days Of Swine And Roses (1990)

Christian Death – Church Of No Return (1989)

Ofra Haza – Im Nin’Alu (1988)

Technotronic – Pump Up The Jam (1990)

Billy Idol – Dancing With Myself (1981)

Specimen – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (1983)

Fake – Another Brick (1985)

Laid Back – White Horse (1983)

Blancmange – Living On The Ceiling (1982)

Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel – White Lines (Don’t Do It) (1983)

Deee-Lite – Groove Is In The Heart (1990)

Soft Cell – Sex Dwarf (1981)

Front 242 – Don’t Crash (1985)

Eric B. & Rakim – Paid In Full (1987)

Classism Is Alive And Well Within The Goth Subculture

The truth.

Classism sucks and I find it sad as hell that it is alive and well within the goth community. What I am stating shouldn’t be a shock because you can easily find examples of this online. Everything from insisting on buying only thrift clothes to telling people to buy only handmade items falls into this.

Thrifting clothes as of right now is very ‘in’. So much so that people will raid thrift stores and then resell the items for twice as much online. Even thrift stores have gotten into the act. Quite often they will charge more for the same items than you can get for new elsewhere. People always screech that you should get everything thrifted because they think that is the only way we bought clothes over 30 years ago. Actually, a whole lot of us bought clothes from regular mall type shops. Stores like Contempo Casuals sold very goth friendly alternative clothes and just about everybody I knew back then got at least some of their wardrobe from there. So, don’t feel guilty that you can’t buy a lot of thrifted clothes. You may even not have any thrift stores near where you live, and that’s okay.

This was originally a Killstar jacket. I did a ton of DIY work to make it look different.

People are also giving others a lot of shit for daring to buy clothing from ‘dark alternative’ online stores. I have made no secret as to how I purchase clothing from such sites; only on sale and never full price. Frankly, I really don’t give a crap where you buy your clothes from. Just as long as it isn’t Dollskill, who is a very problematic brand, I don’t care. You do you. Personally, I would never wear an entire outfit of just one brand but if that’s what you gotta do that is what you gotta do. Who the hell am I to judge you?

It is very classist to exclude somebody from the goth subculture just because they don’t have the money or the time to do DIY projects. Studs, paints and other such things cost money and can be expensive to buy online. In this economic climate it is super hard for many to afford all of this. I only have a lot of DIY supplies because I have bought them little by little when I have the cash to do so. Also, many people just don’t have the time to work on a huge project like a jacket. I have MS and sometimes it can take me weeks to complete something because of how exhausted I always am.

Where a whole lot of weirdos bought clothes in the late 80’s/early 90’s.

Remember that people have lives outside of online spaces and no longer live with their parents. The people who get really zany about all of this are the younger folk who either don’t know any better or who think they are an authority on the subject even though they don’t even know about basic goth bands such as Bauhaus. Some of them even attempt to create YouTube channels so that they can get sponsored and receive free crap to show off. Most of these type of YouTubers quit within a year or two because they want to jump off the goth train and climb onto another one.

Clout chasers should get no say in how you want to dress. Their reality of free gear and taking hours to look like a cheap-ass version of Siouxsie is not the reality for most of the people in the goth subculture. You do not have to spend tons of money on expensive gear to be a goth or to participate in the subculture. If you are poor and listen to goth music that makes you a goth, not the clothing that you wear. Be you, and don’t let the ignorant classist bullshit artists dictate where you should buy your clothes from.

That Time I Gave Ronald Reagan’s Secretary Of State, George Shultz, The Finger

The true evil empire of the 1980’s.

I have always been left winged and I openly hated Reagan all through high school in the late 80’s. Conformity was a total way of life back then, so I of course got a lot of crap in high school for disliking him. The cult of Reagan was a real thing. With all of that being said I jumped at the chance of visiting DC in late 1987 with a group called Close Up. It was an organization which taught teens about politics, and I met other teens from all over the country there. Most, if not all, of the teens were Reagan supporters so thinking I was unpopular is correct. I actually won an award on the last night for being the most politically engaged out of the entire group and I got booed. I also got booed at my high school graduation so this was the start of a trend. You know you are doing something right when all of the conformist Reagan cultists hate you.

With all of that being said, the week I was in DC was also coincidently the week that the US and the USSR signed the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces(INF) Treaty. One of the days we were allowed to walk wherever we wanted to before a big lunch. Two friends and I were walking near the Capital Building when we noticed a motorcade of black limos coming towards us. First the Soviets came by and they actually slowed down, rolled down their windows, and happily waved to us as they drove past. There were little USSR flags on the front of the limo, so yes it was them. Then came the Americans, who didn’t open their windows or wave to people at all. Being the savvy teen that I was I knew that Shultz had to be in one of them and sure enough as his limo slowly went past I could see his very recognizable profile. Immediately I gave him the finger while shouting repeatedly for him to go fuck himself. My friends told me to stop because they were scared of being arrested but I kept going until he was out of sight. I told my friends that they could not arrest a sixteen year old for using her constitutional right to criticize the US government. I was correct.

Looking back on my teen years this is the event I am the most proud of. As a sixteen year old I had a bigger set of balls than a lot of the adults did during that time. I talked the talk and walked the walk, the same as I do today. During that time I was into The Dead Kennedys, U2 and other politically minded bands. All of that music taught me that it was more important to stand up against horrible situations and people, rather than just sitting back and doing nothing. I hope this inspires you to do the same.

Gothgate; How I Got Permanently Banned From r/goth On Reddit


I have been permanently banned from commenting and participating in the r/goth community over on Reddit. You may well be asking what the hell did I do to piss of the moderators over on there so badly? Well, basically, I got banned for refusing to change who I am. Seriously. My personality was deemed inconvenient and I was told that if I didn’t change how I reacted to some of the idiots on there that I would be banned. I refused to change who I am as a person so here we are! This starts to get entertaining pretty early on so enjoy the ride!

The first hint that I may have been pissing off the r/goth mods was a message that I was sent by the head mod. I was only able to get one screenshot of those because they are only saved on their side of things and not on mine. Aggressive? More like I told people the truth and didn’t sugarcoat things. I can be brutally honest, but sometimes that is what is needed for people to ‘see the light’ so to speak. The people who made complaints couldn’t deal with being wrong so they cried to the mods. The mods didn’t really feel like being mods so they passed their responsibility onto me. Which is of course bullshit. Sign up to be a mod of a large online community? Expect to have to deal with people constantly crying because things aren’t going the way they want them to.

Below is the first and only message I saved from the short conversation with the lead mod. As you can see I am being called ‘aggressive’ and I automatically disagree with them. Telling people the truth bluntly is considered aggressive apparently. If people can’t handle being told the truth that is not a me problem. This is the way I have always acted online and I have never gotten such a message from a mod of an online community before concerning my behaviour.

In response to this I wrote a complaint about it on their weekly thread. Notice how I did not start my own thread about it in the community. I knew doing it this way would kind of startle them because they probably expected me to make an angry thread and bounce.

I make a very good point below. If people cannot deal with being told the truth of things online then they are going to be emotionally unable to deal with confrontation in the real world. That is an issue that is not my fault or my responsibility to have to deal with. Yet somehow he next calls me an aggressive douche. He says that not being as confrontational is not a big ask? He is basically trying to tell me to change how I am as a person so that their job is more easy. Telling somebody to change their personality within a community that tells others to be themselves all of the time? Wahahaha!!!! The stench of hypocrisy, there is nothing like it.

They actually did need me way more than I needed them. I constantly do DIY projects and have a whole lot of knowledge on that subject. I also know a whole lot about goth/punk/post-punk music that came out of the 80’s and 90’s. You can’t get all of this kind of information from books or websites, sometimes you need somebody who actually lived through the times to tell you what it was really like. Their loss.

This next part is very, very entertaining. I know for a fact that I was the oldest person who participated in that group on a daily basis. I’m too repetitive in my comments? When people ask the same damn questions just about every single day in the community am I just supposed to make up new things to say? I was not competing for the Nobel Prize in journalism or literature, I was only telling the truth to those who had no idea what they were on about. If people think that telling the truth is being aggressive then they are going to be among the first to go once society goes completely off the rails within the next few years.

Oh, and this bitch had the audacity to say all of that after I had sold her a pair of almost new pikes for very cheap last year. She is saying she doesn’t need me now, but by golly she needed me when she wanted those pikes last year.LOL

She then passively aggressively lies about me ripping her off. Luckily I saved a screenshot of when I told her how much it cost me to send them. Did I get an apology? Of course not! If you are a cowardly passive aggressive bitch that is completely on you and not on me.

Had to be? Wahahaha!!!!!!! Try to play the victim by stating that you were a broke college student? That’s funny but I didn’t know that broke college students could spend £200 on a new pair of pikes. Maybe she will share what bank she uses because I need in on some of that action. Mamma needs another pair of boots.

A few hours after this I commented on a random half naked chick’s ‘big tiddy goth girlfriend’ pic and didn’t report it because why the hell should I help them at this stage. I knew they were going to end up banning me so I wrote a final post on their bitching Sunday thread. I didn’t make it into a separate post of its own because I knew that they were just chomping at the bit for me to do that. Instead I went out on my own terms and stated exactly what I was thinking, as I always do.

Soon after this I got two different messages, as seen below. Not only did they permanently ban me from participating in the group they muted me from sending the mods messages for three days! I freaked them out so much that they had to hide behind muting me. Hypocritical cowards are going to be hypocritical cowards.

There you have it folks. I got kicked off of r/goth because of being myself and not agreeing to change who I am as a person. I actually feel a sense of pride. Instead of giving in to peer pressure I stood up for myself and didn’t back down. If I could survive Donald Trump illegally blocking me on Facebook when he was President of the United States then I can easily survive this.

Learn Street Smarts, It Could Save Your Life If You Are Alternative

You too can be a badass if you use your street smarts.

Think you have the right to dress how you want and walk anywhere you want without people being complete assholes to you? Newsflash, not everybody in the world is going to accept you for who you are. Seriously, some people are just complete jerks and don’t give a crap about the feelings of others. The world is a fucked up place and you should act accordingly.

Story time! When I was a younger goth/punk weirdo in the late 80’s it was literally dangerous to be seen in some places in public because there was a good chance you would get jumped. If a friend or acquaintance told me that a certain place or person was not to be trusted I avoided those spaces and people. I stored the information in my head rather than ignoring it and going on my happy way thinking that everybody had to accept me. Guess what? In my 51 years I have never been jumped, for looking ‘different’ or otherwise.

What are street smarts? It is information that you use to keep yourself safe. Here are the tips I have used over the years.

  • If you are walking by yourself in public do not wear headphones or have your phone out. I guarantee that somebody will knock you down for your phone eventually if you are using it in public all of the time. Plus, how the hell are you supposed to hear somebody coming up behind you if you are listening to music?
  • Always be aware of your surroundings. Look around and keep looking.
  • Have to walk through an area by yourself in which chavs, or general idiots are hanging out? Take a different way. Those 5 or 10 minutes you lose can save your life.
  • Is your spider sense tingling? Trust it and act accordingly.
  • Make sure your friends have your back, because if they don’t they really aren’t your friends. If shit gets physical you are going to want a friend that isn’t afraid of a fight rather than somebody who is scared of their own shadow.
  • If somebody tries attacking you in pubic and you are by yourself you have two options: fight or flight. If you are too afraid to fight you need to run and make it difficult for the asshole to get to you. If you stay and don’t flee you need to fight to protect yourself. If you curl up into a ball and start crying you are making yourself into an easy target. Scratch, claw, tear and fight dirty. They have hair? Grab and pull out. Try to claw their eyes, do anything and everything until you can’t fight any more. Make it difficult for them to beat you and they may just take off because you aren’t the easy target that they thought you were.

These are all of the basic rules that I have used over the years to keep me safe. I really, really hope I have helped you and made you more aware of what to do and not do if you find yourself in a bad situation.

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